Thanks are the highest form of thought, and that gratitude is happiness doubled by wonder. - G.K. Chesterton


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(This has been over for a year, but I'll let it linger because it still does, at least for me.)

Voting just ended and the judges have already taken their picks.

I am still in shock, and will be for a very long time. For every vote, for every visit, for every click, I thank you in an absurd amount. I know I could never thank you guys enough but as long as nobody in this world has invented a more profound phrase for thank you, I'm sticking with that.

And the judges, of course! I am very much honored to have been a part of this with you, and so thank you thank you thank you, from the deepest wells of my gratitude-filled heart.

I owe this one to God, and this is for my family I love so much, especially the one with Him up there. You know this one's really for you.

The only way to be sure of catching a train is to miss the one before it. - G.K. Chesterton


                                                                            

Ask me to add you back by leaving a comment.

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(Banner by loquaciousicons)

U-turns define life's progress, it seems to me, better than the traditional image of forking paths. How often in our lives can their significant events be described as a U-turn? Falling out of love, for example, is a major emotional U-turn rather than a bifurcation on life's highway. - Fascination

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This journal was once publicly viewable, but I felt unsafe so I locked it up. Opportunity arose and it told me to share my thoughts because it might lead to something good and it did, but I think I might have shared too much. This time, it's SEMI-LOCKED, but I'm willing to share it to anyone who cares enough. I doubt you belong in that category, but from time to time, people like proving other people wrong. You can do that, and perhaps, I'll be happy about it.

( i. )

Blog born circa 2005.

These won't help, but click anyway.
( They say what I can't. )

I feel like I'm a sore thumb, dysfunctional among the rest of fingers. Or a weed amidst a field of pretty daisies abloom during spring's best day. Or just somewhere I can't find a role to play. It's so easy for me to feel like I'm sticking out, that I have no real place when everybody else has theirs. The extra, the understudy that is never called. Of course this is only how I feel. Maybe it's not true. But there's a lot of delusion that comes along with emotions and all there is to do is to let yourself feel, and realize what truth you hold in your hand eventually.

There is a lot of anxiety and I just wish they would all just go away. I find that sometimes, to be okay is too much to ask for.

It's been a year since I found happiness in its purest form. It was knowing that somewhere, and in some ways, people believed in what I want myself to believe. I know how that feels, because I experienced it and it never left me. But that moment was irreplaceable. The happiness of that precise second was something nobody ever had and nobody will ever have, not even me because there is no repetition in this world. But given the chance, I would never deny myself of having that again. But maybe, I have to explore other paths, not just for myself, but also because someone out there also deserves that shot I took, and eventually recognize that sometimes, when a shot backfires, it's absolutely worth the effort.

So this entry is due to the nomination I received from snoogumx for the Candy Teen Blog Awards 2009. I am in deep gratitude for at least knowing that someone still regards me worthy to join, but I'm giving up my personal interests for this one, hoping I can find happiness in another form -- witnessing someone else's.

Thank you snoogumx!

Hello everyone! As you might have guessed, or witnessed, I've been pretty much in a pickle. A blog pickle. A life pickle. And that is, needless to say, that I hate pickles. I never understood the reasons for which people like buying jars of pickles and snacking through life one pickle at a time. My friends here on LiveJournal will know that my blog is currently in a technological seizure, with which it cannot function due to abnormal brain activity. My brain inactivity, that is. This might as well be dead, actually. But, it is a well-known fact that people run out of pickles, until the next jar comes along. (Although given the freedom to choose, I'd much rather have pickles on a cheeseburger than a jar with nothing but it.) So I'm leaving this here, while I do my part and eat as much pickles as possible until there is none.

My non-friends, the random visitors of this blog, might have thought this emptiness in terms of secrecy and privacy. No, because sad to say, I have nothing to keep from you these days. As a matter of fact, I have nothing to tell. Thus, this.

Here's the problem. I can't get myself to write, because there is nothing appealing enough in my life to draw observations from and have eurekas about. I've been reading books lately, and something tells me I should just create something, like all these books I have shelved in my brain. But here's another pickle I have to eat: I don't have the same guts as these authors and my imagination, which I thought was vast enough to create something interesting, could only bounce back and forth on the walls of my sorry mind.

Now, I'm still quite full to digest anything so sleep should be a good alternative.

I want to chase pigeons in Rome.

Everything feels like a burden. Everything feels like something to do but something I can't do.

I feel like I'm in a crossroad and I don't know where I'm headed although I thought I had it all figured out. I can blame it on the TV series, Greek, but I wouldn't have felt for the characters if it weren't real for me too.

I'm craving for an entry. This is not an entry.

I live a life not lived.

I sorely miss it here but like you, I don't know when I'll be back like old time's sake.