Yesterday's Child (![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small} xstuckintraffic) wrote,@ 2008-08-27 18:56:00 |
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This Is How It Feels
A lot has gone through today, and I have been busy brainstorming with myself about my eighteenth birthday plans, but in everything I get to think of, I only get open ends of either uncertainty or impossibility. My eighteenth birthday is something I've always looked forward to. I used to want to have a big debut to celebrate a once in a lifetime rite of passage, but I decided against it because a huge part of it would be missing, and although I feel that very much already, I don't want to feel it even more. So I resorted to other options... and all I've been doing today is peruse websites that would lead me to the answers I'm looking for... but I'm having a hard time.
I want to give up, so so so much. I want to do just nothing. But I know, with absolute positivity, that after that day, I would regret not being able to do something to make myself happy for just my eighteenth birthday. God knows how I look forward to one day of light in a year of darkness.
It's going to be a Saturday, and as much as I want to sleep the whole day off, and miss one whole day, like skipping on turning 18, I can't miss this shot. I, at least, have to try.
Sometimes I feel like I don't have anyone. Not even myself.
A lot has gone through today, and I have been busy brainstorming with myself about my eighteenth birthday plans, but in everything I get to think of, I only get open ends of either uncertainty or impossibility. My eighteenth birthday is something I've always looked forward to. I used to want to have a big debut to celebrate a once in a lifetime rite of passage, but I decided against it because a huge part of it would be missing, and although I feel that very much already, I don't want to feel it even more. So I resorted to other options... and all I've been doing today is peruse websites that would lead me to the answers I'm looking for... but I'm having a hard time.
I want to give up, so so so much. I want to do just nothing. But I know, with absolute positivity, that after that day, I would regret not being able to do something to make myself happy for just my eighteenth birthday. God knows how I look forward to one day of light in a year of darkness.
It's going to be a Saturday, and as much as I want to sleep the whole day off, and miss one whole day, like skipping on turning 18, I can't miss this shot. I, at least, have to try.
Sometimes I feel like I don't have anyone. Not even myself.
